For years I wondered how in the world could I have attracted a sociopath like my children’s father. I blamed myself the majority of those years. There were even times where I felt I deserved someone like him. Not because I did anything wrong, but because I wasn’t good enough to have anyone better. It wasn’t until recently, I realized that I attracted a sociopath for a husband because I had a sociopath for a father.
My earliest memory of my dad was when I was 7 years old. It was actually the day he and my mom married. He walked into my grandparents living room with a red tank top on and blue jeans with a Budweiser in his hand. My mom was gleaming from ear-to-ear as if she had won the prize of the century. I on the other hand sat alone in my grandparents hallway. Not watching one second of their ceremony. I was happy that I could wear my pretty yellow Easter dress. However, as I played with the buckle of my white patent leather shoes, even still today, I can see vividly the sadness on my face. Maybe it was my previous experiences with him, but it was as if I knew my life was about to become a living hell.
Growing up with a sociopathic father was exactly that; it was pure hell. My brother and I were beaten more than often. Almost daily we were verbally and emotionally abused. We were constantly made to feel like we were burdens. There was absolutely nothing that we could do right.
We were beaten with weight belts, extension cords, fist, clothes hangers, or anything else within arm’s reach. Although most of the beatings were in fact quite brutal, I have a memory of one in particular that would make the worst of those seem to be mere discipline if compared. This particular beating is the perfect gateway into the mind of a sociopathic father.
I honestly could not tell you what we did to get the beatings we were getting. The reasons varied. Once I got beat because I left too much potato in the skin of the potato I was peeling for dinner. Another time I ended up with a black eye because a liquid spilled on the rails of his tailgate from the garbage bag I was putting on the back of his truck.
This particular beating he didn’t beat me with the usual extension cord or weight belt. He beat me with a two-by-four that was literally 2 inches thick. As most of our beatings he made me bend over with my hands touching his weight bench. I don’t know what possessed me to look over my left shoulder. I can only guess the fear of what was about to come. When I looked over my shoulder I could see him hauling the two-by-four over his head to the point his arms were practically behind his head. I could literally see in his face how he was biting his bottom lip that he was doing this to gain the momentum and strength to hit me as hard as he possibly could. And he did.
When the two by four landed against my eight or nine year old body it split and so did my right hip. For weeks I walked around limping with a big gash in my hip. But it wasn’t the raw flesh of my gash that haunted me all my life. It was what I saw in his face when I looked over my shoulder. A look of gratification being able to hit me with the force of all his strength.
My dad and my kids’ dad personality traits are practically identical. However, as one of my therapists put it, I went from the frying pan, which was my father, to the fire, which was my kids father. Here are 5 sociopathic traits that both my dad and my kids’ dad have in common.
Being in any form of relationship with any person who has ONE of these personality traits should have you planning your escape. In fact, I beg you to. Nothing good will ever come of the connection. In fact, more times than not, relationships with these types of individuals end up deadly. Mentally, spiritually, and even physically.
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